Change is in the Air - Kathryn

16 Weeks

These days, it seems like everything is changing! From my body, to my emotions and even my outlook on life, it seems that everything is new. I’m not going to talk about body changes, because we all know what happens to a woman’s body in pregnancy. And, to be honest, I haven’t been at all surprised or bothered by any bodily changes… yet.

My relationship with food, however, has changed quite a bit. I was shocked to come to the realization a few days ago the relationship I now have toward food is very different. I now eat to be healthy, for energy and to make sure I’m giving the baby the nutrients he or she needs. I can’t lie - I do often eat to satisfy my cravings too (I SWEAR I’m not abusing the I’m-going-to-get-fat-anyway-so-what’s-the-difference line). But I have no guilt about the occasional indulgence in some Wendy’s fries, a chocolate cupcake or a bowl of ice cream after supper. Before I was pregnant, I was constantly thinking about the amount of calories, fat or sugar in my snacks, wondering how each treat would affect my waistline – and I did it subconsciously! I never realized until I started truly enjoying full, balanced meals without thinking of calories how much I had actually done that. It’s been a welcome change to not have to think of my figure each and every time I eat, but I think about nutrition instead. This has been one of the greatest changes I’ve experienced so far.

Another big change I’ve been experiencing is in my emotions. I’ve never been an emotional girl. Sure, I went through my “woe is me” phase in High School (and it seems like I cried all of my wedding day, which was very out of character for me) but I’ve never been the type to cry in a movie from reading a sad story… until about a month ago. One afternoon I innocently said to husband, “I don’t think I’ve really had any of those pregnancy hormones yet”. That evening, as we settled in to watch a movie, I got my first dose of hormones! At one point during the movie he put his hand on my shin, and I swatted it away because I thought it was too sweaty. So he got up and went to sit on the chair and I IMMEDIATELY burst into tears, sobbing “why don’t you want to sit next to me?!” I haven’t had too may other crazy outbursts since that night, but I do find that I’m much more sensitive now. I cry when I watch commercials with babies, I cry when I watch “A Baby Story” and I cry when I get hit in the head with soccer balls (see my previous post).  I even get emotional over songs on the radio – happy or sad!

I’m not going to say that every change I’ve been going through has been a pleasant experience, but for the most part I’m really happy to be experiencing them. I feel like they’re forcing me to grow up a little and to discover a little bit more about who I am as a woman. Also, I know this is nothing compared to the changes that are coming! I still can’t believe I have already hit 18 weeks and am almost halfway through my pregnancy! Now that my belly is starting to pop, and my nausea has completely dissipated I say wholeheartedly:  “bring on the changes!”

18 Weeks - Belly is starting to pop!

Change is in the Air - Natasha

20 weeks - halfway there!

Change is in the air, and around my waistline. It’s a funny thing as a woman, going from trying to keep the pounds off to celebrating (does anyone do that? Still trying to master that one!) each pound gained in preparation for a new little life. There is no question about it – from the moment you find out the joyful news that you are expecting a baby, biology makes it clear in an infinite number of ways that your body is not your own. We are made to serve others, and there is no more beautiful affirmation of this fact than pregnancy, and how in every way a mother’s needs always come second to those of the little person growing within her womb.

I had a moderate weight gain for each of my previous pregnancies (between 21 and 45 pounds), and always thought that working helped me keep the pounds off because it gave me an excuse to get up and on the go every day. This being my first pregnancy as a stay-at-home Mom, I feared I would gain weight much more quickly than before. Thank goodness that’s not what happened, and here’s why:

1. I sat still way more at work than I ever do at home. I had a 1 ½ hour commute both ways (by the time you factored in dropping kids off at the sitter and waiting for the ferry), a nice hour-long lunch each day, and a desk job – which pretty much guaranteed I spent the greater part of my working hours sitting down.

2. I homeschool. This means that even though I can sleep in a little more than I did when I had to be to work every day, there is still a schedule to be kept. I have a responsibility to these little ones, and a duty to the government as a Canadian citizen (I had to sign a form promising I would ensure the kids would meet all of the educational benchmarks set by the Department of Education) to make their education top priority, as it should be. Pregnant or not, the day must start bright and early to accomplish everything that needs to be done.

3. We do not have TV, and I don’t use facebook through the day. Sometime last summer we did some roofing work on our house and had to disconnect the satellite dish. We had trouble getting the connection set up again, and before you know it a month had gone by and we didn’t even notice the difference. So we decided to save ourselves a bit of money and cancel it all together. Add to that the fact that I have made a promise to myself not to facebook in the daytime (which takes far too much of my time and makes me a cranky Mommy!) and that means that if I do choose to sit down for a bit, there is little else for me to do except look around at everything I could (and should be doing). I’m not saying I don’t take a five or ten minute break here and there, but I find that I don’t waste nearly as much time as I thought I would.

4. Somewhere along the way, I had five children. Seriously – I don’t know what ever made me think staying at home would involve any amount of not doing anything! Keeping up with these little guys keeps me going all day, and I like that. Because after supper when the day is over, then I can sit and relax, and enjoy the fruits of a day well-spent. When I was working we didn’t get home until 6:00 pm, and then there was a mad rush of supper-homework-get the kids off to bed, followed by a subsequent mad rush of doing housework (or neglecting it) and getting ready for the next day. There is so much more of a routine to my day now that makes it even easier to work when I need to, and rest when the day is done. I think overall it makes for an even healthier pregnancy, and I couldn’t be happier with the way things are working out.

I still struggle trying not to obsess over gaining too much weight (I hate to see the number go up on the scale) but I can see that is the result of a lifetime spent growing up in a culture that prizes being thin over just about everything, and I find it’s really work for me to see my weight gain in a positive light. When I had my miscarriage before Christmas, one of the first signs something was wrong was a sudden weight loss of a few pounds. When the same thing happened early on in this pregnancy I feared the worst, and spent a good many weeks agonizing over whether we would lose this baby too. When I find myself fixating on the scale, I try to remind myself of how that felt. This is the best reason to gain weight! And while I know from experience that the summer is not likely to be comfortable for me appearance-wise (let’s not even mention the heat!) I far prefer it to the alternative. The more I pray to separate myself from the pressures of the way the world says I should be, the happier I become embracing the way God made me to be, which is feminine beauty in all its fullness. Beautiful, attractive, and yes, even a few pounds heavier.

Yep - we're all pretty excited about the baby!

Cat's Out of the Bag - Kathryn

Keeping the secret of our first pregnancy was not an easy task! From the day we found out, the number of people we told grew exponentially day-by-day, no matter how we tried to keep the secret. After getting married in December, we really weren’t anticipating having a baby right away. We knew it was a possibility – as do all couples using NFP – but for some reason I thought we’d have trouble getting pregnant. In fact, about a month after we got married, I was about to make an appointment with my doctor about my irregular cycles. Before calling the doctor I decided I should take a pregnancy test, since the first question anyone would ask upon hearing that I hadn’t had a period for months would be “are you pregnant?” We just wanted to rule that possibility out. So, when that pregnancy test came back positive, I cant express the shock and fear we experienced! I’m almost ashamed to admit that neither of us reacted immediately with joy. An unplanned pregnancy has got to be the scariest and most overwhelming feeling in the world (even in marriage). It took us about 30 minutes of not knowing what to do, followed by some tears and some prayer, for us to really start to realize what a blessing we had received. From that moment on we’ve felt nothing but joy… Ok, and a little bit of fear, too.

Following the 30 minutes of overwhelming shock (and trip to the drugstore for a second test) we were so filled with joy and excitement that we were just bursting to share the good news. Unfortunately, as a new teacher, it was important for us to try and keep the news off of Facebook and out of my schools until I was out of my first trimester (and done this school year with a job for the next, if possible!) That day we told we our parents and all of our brothers and sisters. It was only two days before my two best friends heard the good news, followed by several other close friends. My sister started to ask me at the end of each day how maybe people I had told that day –it became a bit of a running joke that so many people knew our “secret”. (The number grew every single day). What shocked me the most was that almost each and every person we told reacted with real shock. I was pleasantly surprised by the integrity of my friends and by how few of them had spread the news!

The day my bosses found out was, coincidentally, the day I started my 14^th week. It all started one seemingly ordinary Wednesday morning. As I was out on morning yard duty, I got hit in the back of the head with a soccer ball. As a former athlete, who has broken several bones without shedding a tear, and who prided herself on showing as little emotion in public as possible, I was slightly shocked and extremely embarrassed when I started to cry. Thankfully I was wearing sunglasses, but a few students did notice… which only made things worse! I eventually went to my Vice-Principal and broke down. I sobbed and sobbed, although I was in almost no pain at all. I couldn’t explain why I was so emotional about such a stupid thing, but she had her suspicions. It was the next day, as I told the story to my other Vice Principal (I teach at two different schools), that my secret was revealed. This woman knows me pretty well, so when she heard how much getting hit with a ball made me cry she declared immediately “you’re pregnant!” I never could tell a lie, so that was that! Once she knew I went immediately and told the other administrators. I was relieved to discover that they were all as excited as I was, as well as very supportive, and reassuring about my fears for the upcoming school year.

Now that the cat’s out of the bag, I’m DYING to start showing, and to tell EVERYONE I meet. I’m not sure why I had so much fear and doubt in the beginning months. Looking back, I know this is just another lesson in the lifelong journey that God has been bringing me on my whole: a journey of learning to Trust and rely on Him.

Cat's Out of the Bag - Natasha

My daughter (and fourth child) celebrated her third birthday in February. By that time I had been feeling nauseous and not quite myself for a week, and strongly suspected that I was pregnant. We had miscarried just before Christmas, our second miscarriage, and in both cases there was no morning sickness (as there had been with each of my other pregnancies). So I took this as a good sign! Still I felt the need to proceed with caution, in case this wasn’t what I thought it was. I can become obsessed with taking pregnancy tests and searching for symptoms when I think I’m pregnant, and as we had just recently had a miscarriage both my husband and I felt it best to just take things one day at a time, and wait for some more concrete signals from my body, rather than place all of our hopes on a small coincidence (maybe it was just a stomach bug?) and be disappointed.

The following week my husband was scheduled for day surgery. We dropped the kids off at the babysitters and spent the day at the hospital. His surgery was an hour and a half, plus recovery time, and he asked if I would run to the drug store to pick up a few things for when we brought him home. “In that case, I will probably pick up a pregnancy test,” I told him. So I did. And right there, in the hospital bathroom, while my husband was under the knife, I found I had some good news to share with him when he woke up!

That evening was pretty crazy. I can’t remember when exactly I told him, though I think it was on the drive home. He was in a lot of pain, and it took a long time before he was even well enough to leave the hospital (every time he tried to stand, he almost passed out from the pain). When we finally had him loaded into the van, it was supper time. By the time we got home, he was having some complications. I couldn’t get the kids right away because I couldn’t leave him alone, and when I called Telecare to ask about what was happening to him they advised us to go back in. It was almost 7:00 pm at this time, so I went to get my kids (who were thankfully only ten minutes away), called my husband’s parents and asked if they would come sit with the kids while I took my husband back to the hospital. They arrived at the house shortly after I did, and thankfully his condition improved and we didn’t need to go in. Things were crazy!

That night my husband was up every hour to use the washroom, and was in so much pain that he needed me to help him in and out of the bed every time. I smiled as I remembered that this was exactly what it felt like to have a newborn in the house. Except my husband is much easier on me, because he lets me get right back to sleep! I was quite nauseous that evening, which was probably made worse by the lack of sleep. And so it was that I spent the evening of the discovery of my eighth pregnancy nursing my first baby back to health. 

The next few days of recovery were difficult for my husband, but once he finally started to feel better he asked, “So how long are we going to wait before we start telling people?” This is the first time ever that I have not been working (or on a maternity leave, preparing to go back to work). It is the first time we have not been responsible to a third party, an employer. We conceived while I was on maternity leave with my first child and I called my employer as soon as I found out, only to have the pregnancy end in miscarriage. After that experience, I always waited until the second trimester to officially spread the word – not because I wanted to keep it from friends and family, but social networking being what it is, I didn’t want word to get back to my employer before I had a chance to tell them when I was safely into my 14th week.

After our second miscarriage just prior to this pregnancy, this new baby came as joyful news to the both of us. “Why wait?” I said to him. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops! And this time, I felt like I could. For the first time ever, our kids were the first people we told. The younger ones are obviously oblivious, but the bigger ones (our oldest will be eight next month) are at an age where they get really excited about it. As a child, I can remember begging my mother constantly for another brother or sister (I have one brother who is three years younger than me) so it is a particular joy for me to share this with my kids. They helped us spread the happy news to both of our families, and for the first time in a long time the most blessed event of parenthood didn’t seem like a big bad secret that needed to be kept until we were certain that everything was going to be okay. We’re having another baby! And we couldn’t be happier.